Are you exhausted? Been prioritizing work or others for much too long? Maybe you’re now having physical symptoms?
Are you an immigrant, or perhaps a person of color? Perhaps you have additional minority, intersecting identities where you feel “othered”?
Many of us grew up in families and cultures where it is important to take care of others. Maybe you’ve been caring for your parents and/or providing for your children, often above your own needs. Maybe you’re also giving space for friends or colleague. Maybe you have been that emotional support, interpreter for your parents or sibling since you were young.
Is your sleep impacted? Do you have a hard time relaxing or slowing down? Noticing that you are breathing shallowly, or having headaches, stomach discomfort?
Perhaps you notice you are having a hard time being present with others or can’t connect. Maybe you don’t recognize yourself anymore.
You may be quite successful in your career. Others may not realize your invincible suffering.
We were never meant to carry loads alone.
Having previously experienced the physical toll myself, I’ve had to learn the hard way to slow down, to pause, to tend to myself. Being an Asian American with cultural values such as sacrificing self for others and perseverance could make it especially difficult, and often even more challenging for women caretakers.
If you recognize yourself in the above descriptions, please consider these:
“It takes a village.”
Traditionally, people lived in close communities where there were uncles, aunties, cousins, neighbors readily helping each other.
Being kind does not mean being endlessly available. Being the reliable one should not come at the cost of your health.
You are allowed to let go of some or most of it. You are allowed to let go of all of it for a while to recover.
You are allowed to let others know that you are not emotionally or physically well, to be a work in progress.
And… you can still care deeply, without disappearing in the process.
Can you take this in: You matter too!
Repeat: “I matter too.” “I am allowed to be healthier. I am allowed to be tender, to be cared for and take private/separate time for myself.” Do you notice any hesitations in saying these statements?
If you notice hesitations in taking space for yourself, what do you think is going on?
Contact Dr. Lin
Contact me for a FREE 20-minute consult!
Please note that completing this form goes through my Gmail account. You may note some available times when you’re free to talk without detailing your struggles. Or, feel free to call me at 408-828-8375.
Ellen J. Lin, PhD
You must be logged in to post a comment.